Hello
My wife and I have been through a stressful period of 8 months and I had an emotional breakdown due to the stress and my wife started thinking she was being followed, phones bugged and an reaction to sharp objects needing to be put away…also seemed to show a distinct lack of trust to me (something I never been known for in our relationship). I see my doctors therapist and asked my wife’s family for help and support.
She has now gone away to stay with family, she took our 7 year old away and have given email letters of complete love for her and support my wife to be there her though thick and thin…her family seem to blame me and we have a small flat to live in which didn’t help.
Bottom line is her Dad says she definitly will not return to this flat to live and I have informed my wife and her family that I will accept if she needs a new flat to live (hopefully together) and wish there to be no barrier in healing.
I am being kept at a distance at times by her and have been giving my undying love to be there by emails, I am so upset not knowing if my wife is lost to this and my child will be gone (or) with treatment with her therapist and the drugs she will need -all might be workable.
Have not been in this situation before and feel torn apart and wish I could dissappear from this world, I love my wife very much and my child is my whole world…..I now need to go off for 3 weeks (my father is dying from prostate and will be my last visit), I don’t know how I should control myself in my mind while this is happening.
What is to be expected from something like this, have I lost my wife (or) will she come to see that I am here for her?
Help please if anyone knows about these types of situations.

daryl

Hi Daryl,

My heart went out to you when I read this. I’m afraid it sounds like you’ve both been through a really awful, turbulent few months. Although you’ve both done the right thing (that is, to focus on healing), it sounds like you’ve neglected each other. Women think in different ways to men and, to be brutally honest, an email is a cold and distant thing to recieve when what you really want/need is for that person to be there in person to give you practical support, or even just a hug when you need it.

At the moment you have to see your dad. Keep in touch with your wife in any way you can (btw, this doesn’t mean harass her!!!) Just keep the lines of communication open. When you’re back in town you must find a way to be with your wife. It is not for her Dad to have any say in her relationship at all. Your marriage is your business. Tell her Dad (however well meaning he may be) to keep out. He isn’t helping the situation, he is actually enabling her to avoid dealing with her own problems by providing a human barrier between them and her!!

Your wife needs to grow up and face the real world, and you need to be strong and make sure that you have some input into the upbringing of your child.

Don’t just fade into the background. Tell your wife you will move, okay, but only once she has returned to the family home. Otherwise there’s a risk you’ll move and then she’ll find another excuse to avoid you!!

I wish you all the best, and I really truly hope that things work out for the sake of your child.

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