I’ve been going out with a guy from Italy for over a year, we had a fantastic time, alternating months visiting each other. Summer was the most immense, he came for most of July to England, we showed him around, and his family reciprocated the favor for me in Italy during August. I felt rushed to book tickets straight after, feeling obliged due to ‘free’ ryanair tickets (well, baggae and insurance needed paying for) and the prospect of it being in the future. I realise that was my hasty mistake.

I was meant to go on wednesday to italy, but it only just fully reached my conscious level yesterday that i wanted to break up with him. Reasons being 1. I don’t want to keep waiting for the storm to pass, i want to go out and dance in the rain 2. I’m young and he’s so pushy and obsessive, I just want to feel more free, less trapped 3. His obsessiveness has actually pushed my feelings away.

Mean as it may be, I felt it would be more cruel to fly to italy at his birthday for a week with the intent of breaking up with him, so did it on msn. I know its mean but it would be more sick to do so. Financially, he’s booked a flight here at christmas and i’ve turned him down. When he said about the money he’d wasted i said i could refund it and he said don’t speak rubbish, i don’t need your arms.

Initially he acted upset and said stuff like "thanks for the best year of my life" and "it’s been a nice dream" and other equally sad statements such as "say i love you to your parents, i won’t see them again"

Later though he got really angry and started saying "you’re a coward, hipocrite, thanks for giving me a really really happy birthday present" "i don’t believe you" "i realise italians and english say the same rubbish" "i don’t believe you" "in all politeness liz F**K OFF"

I started the break up by saying i couldn’t come next week because 1. my college isn’t allowing me time off and 2. my grandads cancer is coming on faster than expected. Both true. He asked if he shouldn’t come at christmas himself, i said probably not it will be a very sad christmas. He himself through paranoia guided me toward "are you saying you want a pause?" then pushed me to saying lets end it now as he said "please, i need time to heal a wound, if it’s not a pause and i have nothing to wait for please tell me now"

This was on msn. It was later he called me a coward for ending it on msn. Surely i had no other choice, we don’t ring each other, we talk via msn or face to face when we fly to see each other.

What I feel from this is… I’ve lost a best friend. He was the only person who fully respected and was interested in everything i had to say. I’ve tried to grow to love him, but only in the friendly way has this been allowed. I’m not sure what to do with myself. I have many friends over there, and i’m sure, seeing how sad he is, they will all rush to his side and hate me.

It is already clear his sister feels this way, her facebook status was "f you… f you… f you very very much" and his best friend liked this. I hate to cause pain, but at the same time i know more pain can be caused in the long run from living a lie. I was, and still am, in a no-win situation.

What can I do?
I feel a void.

talk to him about it
hes really hurt
talk to him every day
a little more and more each day
and eventually youll have a beautiful friendship

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